my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
