Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
