is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
