sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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