my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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