Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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