I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
