Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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