The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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