I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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