Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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