I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
