don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
