I didn't shave. On purpose
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
