she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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