I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
