this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
