my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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