Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
