"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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