Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
there is glitter all over my balls
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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