I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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