Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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