problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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