so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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