No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
