This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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