she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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