you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
