I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
