Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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