I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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