You really coming over, don't trick.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
