dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
