R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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