i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
