I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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