I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Farmville is her only friend.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
