let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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