Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
