in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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