Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
