Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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