This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
