Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
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