Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
