remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
