i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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