So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
What a dumb baby whore.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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