i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
