I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
