just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
