Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
