Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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