can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
