Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
