As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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